My uncle and I were having a discussion yesterday about how little of who we are has to do with our making. I strongly suspect that what we think of as our personalities are no more under our control than is the color of our eyes.

We're all on auto pilot - responding to each other and situations in the same predictable and automatic ways we have for a our entire lives. Even if the desire to change is there, the ability to do so is not. This isn't a negative thought. It is just pointing out something that should be obvious (but that we pretend is not).

So what do we do? Where do we go with that kind of knowledge of ourselves?

I've done some reading about the selfless state of consciousness -- living in the present moment as a nameless point of consciousness as opposed to little person with a name, likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses, etc. I've had the privilege of being in that state for brief periods of time (so I know what I'm missing on a day-to-day basis).

When I think back to those moments of clarity and try to remember how they arose, I have a difficult time. The thoughts and activities preceding them seem random. They seemed to just happen on their own. Once started, I recognized what it was and I didn't resist for as long as I could handle it. But in the end, I was either distracted or came out of it when fear arose.

So I think I know something about how to maintain it: Don't resist it. Trust it and go with it. Drop the fear as soon as it arises and trust and let go. But I don't have a clue about how it comes to me in the first place, or what I can do to encourage it. Guess I'll keep reading.

Here's the best of the best with regard to the books I've read on this subject in recent years:

The Power of Now - Ekhart Tolle
On Having No Head: Zen and the Rediscovery of the Obvious - Douglas Harding
Loving What Is - Byron Katie
Collision with the Infinite - Suzanne Siegel